Before I begin, I just want to extend a giant "F-YOU" to blogger.com/technology for somehow deleting 90% of the extremely loooooooooong, detailed, funny yet poignant, and overall amazing blog post i spent a good 2 hours on yesterday...also, a sincere apology to the approx. 7 people I sent the link to before I realized my post had been murdered!
I will now attempt to re-do, it was THAT good of a story...
None of you better give me this face after reading this!!!!
Yesterday,
my good friend L-Rob brought a recent news story to my attention
In short, the article went something like this:
Two elderly people have to go to the hospital in Huntington Beach after attending a funeral. It seems the dearly departed liked to eat medical marijuana brownies so someone put them out at the event. Two 71-year old women and an 82-year old man ended up in the emergency room after eating the pot-laced brownies.
Oh man, that poor old couple, they were probably WIGGING OUT!
{they're OK now, btw}
So anyway, this article got me thinking
{and knowing I hadn't blogged in a loOoOong time}
I figured that with this news article, I had the PERFECT *segue* into a pretty funny story
The timing for this story couldn't come at a better time
as it is the two year anniversary of the day we had to put our
beloved and cherished dog
Maxamillion Maximus Moore
6th member of the Moore family
to sleep :(
He was the BEST dog
He also plays a pretty active role in this little tale I'm about to tell
It all started one fall day in November
{two days before Thanksgiving to be exact}
Before I go much further, I should probably admit to a small confession...
here it goes:
I...*L*Mo
may or may not have...
at one time in my life...
partially partaken in...
the minor use...
of the very tame and not the slightest bit harmful drug...
Marijuana...
I SWEAR I DIDN'T INHALE
ok that's a lie...I inhaled...and liked it...
but that's neither here nor there
The story begins on this crisp fall day in November
after I had made a purchase...
call it a GIFT as I had planned to share this purchase with my two, very excited sisters
My purchase:
1 large, brick sized pot brownie
and
1 large, brick sized pot rice krispy treat- complete with fall colored krispies
{Stop judging me!}
This was actually a very BRILLIANT purchase if you think about it
buy a dessert that not only tastes delicious,
but after the biggest meal you will eat all year, will not only
make you a little less full, it also makes you more hungry
Genius!
{In case you ARE judging me, I just want you to know this was the first and only time I made this type of purchase...}
{In case you ARE judging me, I just want you to know this was the first and only time I made this type of purchase...}
Back to the story:
Kirsten and I were busy cleaning up the house
In anticipation of our parent's arrival home after a 1 week vacation
{David, Kirsten's then boyfriend and now FIANCE!! was there too}
As I was busy cleaning up the kitchen
I noticed that Max was walking around the house with a bit of a limp.
Being that Max was 13, this wasn't too alarming
I gave him a few cuddles and went back to cleaning.
about 30 minutes later I left to pick up lunch
when I came back, Max, in his usual routine, ran to greet me at the front door
but something was WEIRD
now he was not so much limping...as he was walking like a drunk guy after 30 beers
he ran into the wall, spun around, ran back into the wall, and his back legs didn't seem to be working too well
I immediately thought of Nikki, our dog that had died 2 years earlier
from a stroke
Nikki had similar symptoms to what Max was experiencing
Oh no! He's having a stroke!!
I call for Kirsten and she and I sit and pet Max while we try and figure out what's going on with him.
He was acting fine, but his body just didn't seem to be doing what he wanted it to do!
Meanwhile, David is in the T.V. room and we hear him say something:
"Hey, there's a baggy on the floor in here, I think these are chocolate crumbs, do you think he ate chocolate?"
I get up to go check it out
"a baggy with chocolate? Where would Max get a baggy with chocOHMYGOD!!
OHMYGOD the pot brownie!!!!"
Yep, that's right
My 13 year old, 15 pound lap dog
had just eaten a pot brownie
big enough to put 3 grown adults
on
their
ass!
We started freaking out and by this time
Max was only getting more and more high
By this time, his hind legs were completely useless
and any time any of us even made a slight noise, it would completely startle him
I immediately called the vet
and this is pretty much exactly how the call went:
"Hi I need to bring my dog in right away, he ate a brownie"
"He ate a brownie, ok how big was the brownie?"
I wasn't sure if I should even tell her the brownie was laced with weed, would I get in trouble?
jailed for drugs and dog neglect?!?
I also knew I couldn't NOT tell her
"Well...it was...big...but also uhh..."
"Yes?"
"It was, um, he ate a...uhh, he ate a pot brownie!"
I took one huge breath and continued without stopping
"He ate a pot brownie, it was big, and now he can't walk, can't move, noises and touching him scares the crap out of him and PLEASE YOU HAVE TO HELP ME, MY DOG CANNOT DIE TODAY!! HE CAN'T DIE FROM EATING A POT BROWNIE!!"
She told me I should bring him in.
I didn't waste much time, I grabbed my poor, stoned dog
I didn't waste much time, I grabbed my poor, stoned dog
who was now completely tripping out
and jumped in my car
and jumped in my car
As I was hauling ass to the vet, bawling my eyes out
and cradling Max in my arms
I realized not only did I not know if my dog would even LIVE through this
but to make it worse
MY PARENT'S FLIGHT WAS LANDING IN 30 MINUTES
You should know that Max was considered the 6th member of our family
we loved him so much
but being that he lived in a house with 4 women,
my dad
had a very close bond with Max.
The only other male in the family
had a very close bond with Max.
The only other male in the family
Years earlier
when we had to take Max in to be neutered
my dad would literally say to anyone that would listen:
"I FINALLY get a boy in the family and what do the women do? They immediately cut his balls off!"
Look at all that love!!!
I started thinking about exactly how the conversation was going to go when they got home
"Oh hey Mom and Dad, yeah no Max isn't here, oh I gave him a giant pot brownie and they are pumping his stomach and he might die, WELCOME HOME though"
Yep, I was totally screwed.
Yep, I was totally screwed.
Meanwhile
Max seemed to be kind of enjoying the ride
He was like putty in my arms
soooo relaxed
{breathing still, thank god}
and he kept licking and smacking his chops
cotton mouth??
poor puppy...
We got to the vet's office and they took Max to the back right away
I put my hands behind my back, convinced a cop would appear any second
to cuff me and haul me off to jail...
but
the nurse and doctor were surprisingly fine about the whole thing
A few minutes later they came into the waiting room
noticing the fear that was undoubtedly smeared across my face, the nurse spoke right away
Nurse: You have nothing to worry about, this happens all the time...you're not in trouble at all, so stop freaking out.
Dr: Max is fine, we gave him charcoal and he already threw up most of the brownie. We will watch him overnight to monitor the drug but he is fine and I can promise you he is feeling no pain and enjoying the trip.
{cool doc, right?}I was so relieved!!! But there was still one minor detail...
Me: Thank you so much! There is actually one more thing. It would be better if maybe my parents didn't know the ingredients of the brownie...
Dr: Of course, completely understand, I won't say anything and the bill will only say he ingested chocolate
{seriously this doc cannot get any cooler}I left the vet feeling relieved that Max was getting great care,
that he wasn't going to die,
and that my parent's weren't going to know what exactly happened!
Now I just had to tell them some other story...
***
It actually went very smoothly
although I don't think my father had even said "hello" to either of his daughters when he walked through the door before:
"Uh, where is Max? Why didn't he come running to see us...?"
My story was pretty simple:
Bought brownie, left brownie on coffee table, Max sees brownie, Max pulls brownie down, Max eats brownie, brownie makes Max sick, Max is staying at the vet tonight...
They didn't have many questions, and my story seemed to hold up just fine for the time being my Dad was even nice enough to let me pick Max up the next day on my own
after some serious pleading on my part
{I needed to double check that the bill did not contain any form of the word MARIJUANA}
I'm happy to report Max was back to his completely normal self when I picked him up!
And my secret was never revealed to my parents
Our little Max lived a few more healthy years, until the ripe old age of 16.
Now if you were reading this story thinking:
*L*Mo, what if your parent's read this blog?? Won't they find out all about the fact that you gave your dog a pot brownie?
you would be correct
My parents read this blog pretty often
{hiiii Mom and Dad}
On the night that we had to say goodbye to Max, we sat around as a family and talked about our favorite memories of the dog we all loved so dearly
it was pretty clear to my sisters and I
that I HAD to tell the real story about the brownie
And at the very least
for my mom and dad to find out
at this particular moment
that their precious 1st born had purchased and possibly used marijuana at one time in her life
seemed like selfishly good timing...
being that my dad would be too busy mourning the loss of his beloved dog
to get too mad at me for buying drugs...
They ended up thinking it was hysterical
and the absolute perfect time to tell them the story!
{phew}
I'm glad we were able to laugh about it and hopefully after reading this
you were too!
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p.s. here are a few more pics of Max to enjoy!! R.I.P. Stoner puppy!
D.A.R.E to keep kids and dogs
off drugs
xo,
*L*Mo
