Friday, October 14, 2011

Don't look at me with your judgy eyes after reading this...

Before I begin, I just want to extend a giant "F-YOU" to for somehow deleting 90% of the extremely loooooooooong, detailed, funny yet poignant, and overall amazing blog post i spent a good 2 hours on yesterday...also, a sincere apology to the approx. 7 people I sent the link to before I realized my post had been murdered!  
I will now attempt to re-do, it was THAT good of a story...

None of you better give me this face after reading this!!!!

my good friend L-Rob brought a recent news story to my attention
In short, the article went something like this:  

Two elderly people have to go to the hospital in Huntington Beach after attending a funeral. It seems the dearly departed liked to eat medical marijuana brownies so someone put them out at the event. Two 71-year old women and an 82-year old man ended up in the emergency room after eating the pot-laced brownies.

Oh man, that poor old couple, they were probably WIGGING OUT!
{they're OK now, btw}
So anyway, this article got me thinking
{and knowing I hadn't blogged in a loOoOong time}
I figured that with this news article, I had the PERFECT *segue* into a pretty funny story

The timing for this story couldn't come at a better time
as it is the two year anniversary of the day we had to put our
beloved and cherished dog
Maxamillion Maximus Moore
6th member of the Moore family
to sleep :(

 He was the BEST dog

He also plays a pretty active role in this little tale I'm about to tell

It all started one fall day in November
{two days before Thanksgiving to be exact}

Before I go much further, I should probably admit to a small confession...
here it goes:
may or may not have...
at one time in my life...
partially partaken in...
the minor use...
of the very tame and not the slightest bit harmful drug...
ok that's a lie...I inhaled...and liked it...
but that's neither here nor there

The story begins on this crisp fall day in November
after I had made a purchase...
call it a GIFT as I had planned to share this purchase with my two, very excited sisters
My purchase:
1 large, brick sized pot brownie
1 large, brick sized pot rice krispy treat- complete with fall colored krispies
{Stop judging me!}
This was actually a very BRILLIANT purchase if you think about it
buy a dessert that not only tastes delicious
but after the biggest meal you will eat all year, will not only 
make you a little less full, it also makes you more hungry
{In case you ARE judging me, I just want you to know this was the first and only time I made this type of purchase...}
Back to the story:
Kirsten and I were busy cleaning up the house
In anticipation of our parent's arrival home after a 1 week vacation
{David, Kirsten's then boyfriend and now FIANCE!! was there too}

As I was busy cleaning up the kitchen
I noticed that Max was walking around the house with a bit of a limp.
Being that Max was 13, this wasn't too alarming
I gave him a few cuddles and went back to cleaning.

about 30 minutes later I left to pick up lunch
when I came back, Max, in his usual routine, ran to greet me at the front door
but something was WEIRD 
now he was not so much he was walking like a drunk guy after 30 beers
he ran into the wall, spun around, ran back into the wall, and his back legs didn't seem to be working too well

I immediately thought of Nikki, our dog that had died 2 years earlier
from a stroke
Nikki had similar symptoms to what Max was experiencing

Oh no! He's having a stroke!!

I call for Kirsten and she and I sit and pet Max while we try and figure out what's going on with him.
He was acting fine, but his body just didn't seem to be doing what he wanted it to do!
Meanwhile, David is in the T.V. room and we hear him say something:

"Hey, there's a baggy on the floor in here, I think these are chocolate crumbs, do you think he ate chocolate?"

I get up to go check it out

"a baggy with chocolate? Where would Max get a baggy with chocOHMYGOD!!
OHMYGOD the pot brownie!!!!"

Yep, that's right
My 13 year old, 15 pound lap dog
had just eaten a pot brownie
big enough to put 3 grown adults 

We started freaking out and by this time
Max was only getting more and more high

By this time, his hind legs were completely useless
and any time any of us even made a slight noise, it would completely startle him

I immediately called the vet
and this is pretty much exactly how the call went:

"Hi I need to bring my dog in right away, he ate a brownie"
"He ate a brownie, ok how big was the brownie?"
I wasn't sure if I should even tell her the brownie was laced with weed, would I get in trouble? 
jailed for drugs and dog neglect?!?
I also knew I couldn't NOT tell her
" was...big...but also uhh..."
"It was, um, he ate a...uhh, he ate a pot brownie!"
I took one huge breath and continued without stopping
"He ate a pot brownie, it was big, and now he can't walk, can't move, noises and touching him scares the crap out of him and PLEASE YOU HAVE TO HELP ME, MY DOG CANNOT DIE TODAY!! HE CAN'T DIE FROM EATING A POT BROWNIE!!"

She told me I should bring him in.
I didn't waste much time, I grabbed my poor, stoned dog
who was now completely tripping out 
and jumped in my car

As I was hauling ass to the vet, bawling my eyes out 
and cradling Max in my arms
I realized not only did I not know if my dog would even LIVE through this
but to make it worse

You should know that Max was considered the 6th member of our family
we loved him so much
but being that he lived in a house with 4 women,
my dad 
had a very close bond with Max.
The only other male in the family

Years earlier
when we had to take Max in to be neutered
my dad would literally say to anyone that would listen:
"I FINALLY get a boy in the family and what do the women do? They immediately cut his balls off!"

 Look at all that love!!!
I started thinking about exactly how the conversation was going to go when they got home
"Oh hey Mom and Dad, yeah no Max isn't here, oh I gave him a giant pot brownie and they are pumping his stomach and he might die, WELCOME HOME though"

Yep, I was totally screwed.

Max seemed to be kind of enjoying the ride
He was like putty in my arms
soooo relaxed
{breathing still, thank god}
and he kept licking and smacking his chops
cotton mouth??
poor puppy...

We got to the vet's office and they took Max to the back right away
I put my hands behind my back, convinced a cop would appear any second
to cuff me and haul me off to jail...
the nurse and doctor were surprisingly fine about the whole thing
A few minutes later they came into the waiting room
noticing the fear that was undoubtedly smeared across my face, the nurse spoke right away
Nurse: You have nothing to worry about, this happens all the're not in trouble at all, so stop freaking out.
Dr:  Max is fine, we gave him charcoal and he already threw up most of the brownie.  We will watch him overnight to monitor the drug but he is fine and I can promise you he is feeling no pain and enjoying the trip.
{cool doc, right?}
I was so relieved!!! But there was still one minor detail...

Me: Thank you so much! There is actually one more thing.  It would be better if maybe my parents didn't know the ingredients of the brownie...
Dr: Of course, completely understand, I won't say anything and the bill will only say he ingested chocolate
{seriously this doc cannot get any cooler}

I left the vet feeling relieved that Max was getting great care,
that he wasn't going to die,
and that my parent's weren't going to know what exactly happened!

Now I just had to tell them some other story...

It actually went very smoothly
although I don't think my father had even said "hello" to either of his daughters when he walked through the door before:
"Uh, where is Max? Why didn't he come running to see us...?"

My story was pretty simple:
Bought brownie, left brownie on coffee table, Max sees brownie, Max pulls brownie down, Max eats brownie, brownie makes Max sick, Max is staying at the vet tonight...
They didn't have many questions, and my story seemed to hold up just fine for the time being
my Dad was even nice enough to let me pick Max up the next day on my own 
after some serious pleading on my part
{I needed to double check that the bill did not contain any form of the word MARIJUANA}

I'm happy to report Max was back to his completely normal self when I picked him up!
And my secret was never revealed to my parents

Our little Max lived a few more healthy years, until the ripe old age of 16.

Now if you were reading this story thinking:
*L*Mo, what if your parent's read this blog?? Won't they find out all about the fact that you gave your dog a pot brownie?

you would be correct
My parents read this blog pretty often
{hiiii Mom and Dad}

On the night that we had to say goodbye to Max, we sat around as a family and talked about our favorite memories of the dog we all loved so dearly
it was pretty clear to my sisters and I
that I HAD to tell the real story about the brownie

And at the very least
for my mom and dad to find out 
at this particular moment
that their precious 1st born had purchased and possibly used marijuana at one time in her life
seemed like selfishly good timing...
being that my dad would be too busy mourning the loss of his beloved dog
to get too mad at me for buying drugs...

They ended up thinking it was hysterical
and the absolute perfect time to tell them the story!
I'm glad we were able to laugh about it and hopefully after reading this
you were too!


p.s. here are a few more pics of Max to enjoy!! R.I.P. Stoner puppy!

D.A.R.E to keep kids and dogs 
off drugs

Friday, July 22, 2011

The new "Myspace pose"

You don't hear much about Myspace these days
the ONE legacy that is still around today?


While there are many variations of the Myspace pose that have held some staying power
{my favorite being the bathroom mirror shot}
The classic pose is the self portrait, taken from a downward pointing angle. Often times without anything close to a smile


If you're thinking to yourself
Self:  *L*Mo, you already did a blog post about the perfect pose

yes, you are correct...
{If you haven't read it, it's HERE}

This post isn't about a's actually about a new breed of photos currently making their way onto every single Facebook page in the world.

True to form like the Myspace pose,
these types of photos
make ugly people look more attractive
and attractive people look even MORE attractive.

While i most definitely rock all sorts of photo poses...
I am proud to say I never rocked the Myspace pose

I cannot say the same for this new craze..
So what is this new photo craze you ask?

I call it the iPhone photo app movement
Instagram, CrossProcess, Hipstamatic
{to name a few}
and yes I do currently have all 3 of these on my phone.

Sure- people love these apps because they make normal photos look
"artsy" or "vintage"
but in my case 
I think they make them look
just plain cuter

Either way, altered photos like these
have become a hot commodity
and it seems like everyone has jumped on the bandwagon.

I don't know what it is about pics like these, I just love them!!

Even the people on FB I don't really care much about...I still need to look at their cool photo app pics!!

Time to peel apart a few of these photos so you can see WHY this kind of thing is so necessary:

Pic #1 pre photo app

Fyi: Kirsten's makeup looked really good on this night, was it the flash!? Who knows!

Post photo app

So clearly we can see here that in the beginning, this photo wasn't so cute
{technically I never thought this photo WAS cute even after I took the Instagram to it, but you get the's now CUTER}

Pic #2 pre photo app

I saw this pic and even in my buzzed fog, could instantly tell this was not a great pic.
{that's what I get for asking our male waiter to take the pic}
Thus went right to Instagram


Sidenote:  Instagram gets a standalone shout out because its so awesome! It's pretty much like a photo FB and you can share pics with friends "following" you.


Anywho...I really think these kinds of apps just make you look tanner, skinner, cooler, and overall more attractive in general...

I'm convinced the rest of the population feels the same way
because EVERYONE is doing it too...

So friends, I leave you with this...

In the world of iPhones and endless photo apps, it is no longer acceptable to post an ugly photo.

Time to get yourself one of these apps

{don't try and say they cost money, most don't}



Tuesday, July 19, 2011


I haven't blogged since APRIL?!?

That is just ridiculous, what kind of blogger ARE you *L*Mo?
{I'm sure you ALL have been asking that for quite some time now}

LOTS of things have been happening lately
blogging kinda fell to the wayside


So whats the biggest thing that happened lately?


My little sister

Kirsten Elizabeth Nielsen Moore

SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

{And we all got to be there to witness it 
at her b-day bbq...EVEN BETTER}

David is a little PUNK though...
he didn't even tell me it was happening!!!!!!!!
not that I blame him though, I would have never been able to keep that secret in...

considering that right when he proposed, I BURST INTO TEARS
can you imagine if I had known?!
...def would have blown that...

If I wasn't such a "blonde" and completely oblivious person in general, I actually should have known it was happening

Let me set the scene:

Date: Monday, July 11
Place: My Parent's house
Who was there: Our Family, David's Family, Friends: Amy, Hayley, Joe, Jen, Butch, Matt, Dennis

The initial plan: David's brother, Daniel and *L*Mo plotting to throw Kirsten in pool after blowing out her candles...

The plan started off great...
We decided early on that Kirsten should definitely be thrown in the pool at some point
{she looked WAY too cute in that little sundress and perfect hair, why not completely mess it up??}

The pool was actually a little cold
so like the *caring, loving* sister that I am
{I didn't want her to be thrown into freezing water}
I turned up the POOL HEAT to the highest it could go, 105...
{sorry M&D}
hoping that if i turned it up high enough it would more quickly heat such a big mass of water in  a short period of time.
I told about 3 people to REMIND me to turn it back down later so my parent's gas bill wasn't $100,000...

After dinner, I was getting pretty excited about our little plan.  I went in the kitchen where David, my mom and David's mom were getting the cake ready
well...that's what I assumed they were doing when i saw them walk in the house....

I walked into an empty kitchen and, a little confused, started walking down the hall looking for someone to share our carefully crafted plan with..

"MOM?!" I yelled down the hall

"DON'T COME IN!!!!!!" Came my mom's voice from behind her closed office door...

"What are you doing in there?"
No answer...

Door opens, David and both mom's emerge, David carrying a shoebox sized present...

"What the hell is happening, this is weird...OMG are you proposing? DAVID are you proposing to Kirsten? OOOOOOOH MY GOD" I say, gripping David's arm 

In a VERY believable tone, David says: "No Linds, not proposing, it's a gag gift, our moms are just here because they are in on it"

Ok, I think it's pretty normal to believe that, right? 

So we all gather around the fire pit and get ready to watch Kirsten open this alleged "gag gift."

I get my phone out and snap a pic, still thinking i'm about to catch Kirsten with a super annoyed look on her face when she realizes David got her some lame joke gift.

I start looking around and notice that pretty much everyone has a camera out too, including David's brother, Kyle who I notice is clearly documenting this on his iPhone video camera...wait a sec you guys ALL care that much about this gift? 

At this point, I'm pretty sure ANY PERSON would know something was up...not me though, and I'm actually getting excited to laugh at my sister when she sees this present...

She opens it, it's a ring/jewelry cleaner.  

{Looking back it makes me feel a little better knowing that like me, Kirsten still had no idea what was happening...a JEWELRY CLEANER still didn't give it away...}

Kirsten: "Ohhh! I've always wanted one of these..." she say's with about 10% excitement in her voice

and that's when it happened...

David pulls Kirsten up off the fire pit ledge and say's something like:
"you know how I always talk about you being my wife?..."

Look how CUUUUTE!!!

{this was the last pic I took before I literally DROPPED my phone}

From here on out it was kind of a idea what David even said and at this point i'm practically hysterical..

But i DO know it was pretty much the cutest thing ever

Everyone was freaking OUT!! Kirsten, looking so cute and shocked had probably the biggest smile on her face I've ever seen.

There was lots of hugging and excitement
and thankfully by now I wasn't the only one crying...

We did a champagne toast,
complete with a speech from my UBER-EXCITED father, who's
finally getting a boy in the family

It was such a fun, exciting, happy night!!!

...and I don't even mind that David totally stole the thunder of my heartfelt gift to Kirsten...
 a framed professional photo of her beloved Rex
{yep, just like the one's I got Pat in the blog post below this} 

Needless to say...Daniel and I couldn't bring ourselves to throw her in the pool once the proposal happened...

With that rock, she would have gone straight to the bottom. :)

Kirst and David, SO happy for you both.  Even though we already considered you family David, I can't wait to finally make it official!

I love you both to the moon and back.
Time to start planning a wedding!!!!!! <3

{Maid of Honor for those of you who don't yet speak wedding}